IS IT ANXIETY OR MY INTUITION?

I’M JUST A GIRL, STANDING IN FRONT OF THE INTERNET,

ASKING SOMEONE (anyone) TO DIFFERENTIATE THE TWO

JK. Turns out I *think* I have the answers!

I swear anxiety isn’t my whole personality, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy writing about my relationship with it. Identifying and calling out the feeling helps rid me of the loops that often run circles in my head. Create the content you need, as they say!

With that - and dare I say, counterintuitively…buh dum chhh - if I were asked to describe myself, I’d say that I have pretty good intuition. My human design chart says that “instinctive intuition” is my authority, a.k.a. how I should make decisions (okayyyy humble brag!? I’m kind of a witch?). I say that in case you need any confirmation that I do, in fact, have good intuition. The science of my aura says so, and so it is. 

I feel like my intuition is stronger than my anxiety MOST of the time. I’ve gotten good pings and bad pings about people and situations my whole life, and while I haven’t always followed my internal signals, I’ve always had a bit of mystical foresight before moving forward. I’ll go ahead and say that most of the good things in my life have come to be as a result of Iistening to my gut.

Caveat…and this is where shit gets messy…I’ve also mistaken an anxious feeling for an intuitive ping. This has happened when life is, for the lack of a better word, noisy. 

What does “noisy” mean? In this context, it means that I’m overstimulated and enveloped in external feedback. It’s when I’m on social media too much, I’m opinion shopping, I’m taking on other people’s emotions as my own, I’m not working out, I’m not writing. I’m in my head and not in my body, focusing on what I don’t have, and worst of all, I’m out of routine. When I’m not adhering to my non-negotiables, my anxiety takes the wheel. 

For a minute this season, I was out of alignment and my anxiety was eclipsing my judgment. I’ve been looking to make a switch with my career path, and I’ve been overwhelmed with thoughts of what I *should* be doing next. I was spending my days doing a little bit of everything, buzzing around, unsure of what my next steps with work should be, feeling negative and indecisive. At the end of every day, I was depleted. The vibe wasn’t cute lmao!

Last month I can remember a day when I said out loud to myself, “there has got to be a better way.” And that’s when I realized: I’m not using my energy wisely. I didn’t need everybody else’s opinions on what I should be doing, I needed my own. In order to get back to my own original thoughts and opinions, I needed to quiet the noise by simplifying my external surroundings, allowing myself to turn inward. 

I’m still very much in the process of detoxifying and figuring out what’s next for me and my career, but my biggest unlocks to help me return to self have been 1) simplifying + slowing down and 2) getting clear on my values. 

I’m working on replacing the sensory overload that I’m typically attracted to with a bit more quiet. The maximalist in me can work against myself and feel inclined to add more to my routine when I want to make a shift, but that obviously doesn’t make much sense when I’m feeling overwhelmed... such a simple idea when it’s written out, right?? 

Some ways that I’m disentangling the anxious spiderwebs in my brain include:

Powering down. I’ve been occasionally deleting social media for a day, and putting my phone away by 9 at night. I don’t need a second-form of entertainment when I’m watching a show or reading a book!! 

Meditating. I’ve inconsistently meditated over the years, and when I have I usually used guided meditation, someone telling me to relax. I’ve mixed it up recently and simplified my practice by setting a timer for 10 min, but without my usual guided voice or ambient noise. Just me and my breath, Glennon Doyle style. 

Joyful movement. I’m going to the gym and doing workouts that I love, instead of dizzying myself with trying new workouts that I’ve heard other people on tiktok love. It’s not to say I don’t think I should try new things, but when I’m feeling hazy in the brain, I find that going with what I know helps bring clarity.  

Cleaning. I’m in the process of cleaning out my closet and organizing - out with the old energy and celebrating/taking care of what I do have. I’m realizing that when my surroundings are more organized, my internal self reflects that. 

^I’ll be vulnerable here and admit that the logistics of organizing my things does NOT come easily to me, so if you have any general organization tips, please do share…

As for getting clear on my values, yet again the Notes app saves my life. I really simplified my personal principles by writing them out in a pinned note in my phone. I bulleted my values, and then wrote actions I could take to live out those values daily. It’s crazy how much making a list helps me declutter my energy. You might be thinking, this bitch has to write out her values to get clear on them…? YES. Yes I do. 

i.e. two of my listed values are love and creativity. Part of my note looks like this:

Actions in-line with my values

Love (self, romantic, platonic, familial)

-mirror affirmations, at-home spa days, self-care journal prompts

-make special time for dates, surprises; acts of service

-visit mom, text check-ins with siblings

Creativity

-read

-write and share it

-make playlists, find new music

-challenge myself to make something new

-style outfits with clothes that i already have

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: writing and making lists for me = clarity. I find that my values can get lost in the sauce of my anxiety and can keep me in a stagnant state, so writing them out and looking back at them helps bring me back to my chosen reality; how I want my personal and professional life to look. 

I’m still in transition over here, but through my newer simpler ~ practices ~, I can feel myself getting my groove back. And my intuition is coming through! I feel more decisive and excited about new opportunities. Mr. Anxiety (shout-out my fellow @tinx followers) hasn’t left, but he’s been reeeeal quiet lately, and I can better distinguish the two frenemies. 

If you’re reading this, I hope you take some quiet time to yourself this season. It’s a noisy time for everyone, for better or for worse. Wishing you all clarity and internal peace to close out the year <3

X 😊 X 😊

~Melli